(from Noni)
During the past few weeks we have been studying AIDS as virus, the effects this disease has had on society, and more specifically the people who have contracted it. This week we were given the opportunity to examine a collection of letters written by Peter Countryman, the father of Ms. Countryman, who in 1988 tested positive for AIDS, and battled the disease for four years.
Until this point, many of the texts we have read on AIDS have been focused mainly around homosexuality and unsafe sex, while ignoring other ways that AIDS can be spread. However, we learned that Mr. Countryman tested positive for HIV while battling drug addiction and sharing infected needles. Just like how there are associations made around those who have gotten AIDS from unsafe sex, are there associations made around those who have tested positive due to drug abuse and the sharing of needles? If so, what are these associations?, and do you believe that society views one way of contracting this disease worse than the other?
Throughout his life, Mr. Countryman was described as a fighter. A fighter for civil rights, a fighter for the protection of migrant workers, and a fighter against violence towards women. He was seen as a “warrior secretly filled with sweetness”pg.1 who protected those who were not given a voice to stand up for themselves. How did these associations surrounding Mr. Countryman affect how he saw himself before and after being infected with this disease?
I am interested in spending more time on specific questions like why do are race and economic standing play a huge role in treating disease? For example, in many instances we noticed that the US does not pay attention to life threatening diseases until they reach us, however during this time, AIDS was a disease in the US which still did not receive the amount of attention in should have. What are some of the major contrasts within the letters? Can aspects of this text be related to any other texts we have read over the course? Also, what was Mr. Countryman's inner vs outer struggle and how did his disease play a role? How can we change society to move away from the idea that asking for help or depending on others is seen as weak? What do you appreciate most about these letters and why? Lastly, how has this text transform your view of AIDS and drug addiction?
I definitely believe that society creates associations with those who have contracted AIDS from drug abuse and the sharing of needles. When he sees the doctor during his MediCal application checkup, he begins to place blame on himself for contracting AIDS and begins “to say something about not having faced my addiction in time...and she shakes her head” (Letter #4, p.5). These associations can become internalized in the individuals who are actually undergoing the experience of having the AIDS virus. I am not sure sure if one method of contracting AIDS is viewed as worse than the other, but I think society groups both under the shameful umbrella of irresponsibility. As Ms. Countryman phrases it in her preface, “society rarely acknowledges the good in people who have diseases like alcoholism and drug addiction,” which are “unacceptable means” of contracting AIDS. Society can sometimes view people who have diseases as their diseases, or even worse, as the ways they contracted their diseases. I think one of the most powerful and destructive elements of society’s reactions to diseases, whether intentional or not, is creating shame around the diseases.
ReplyDeleteSimilarly to Conaway’s poems, Mr. Countryman’s letters with their colorful language, distinctive syntax, and insightful observations could transform a reader’s view of AIDS by portraying a much more human experience. One line in the letters that reminded me very much of Conaway’s Malaria: Poems was at the end of the letter about the demonstration: “We had made a strong and sane statement about the insanity and inhumanity of the way in which this society is continuing to deny the rights of people with the AIDS virus. And, in the process, denying everyone’s rights, given that everyone is affected, one way or another by this epidemic” (Letter #2, p. 4). This line reminded me especially of Conaway’s “Mirror” and his message that he mentioned during our video chat that “each other is ourselves.” Many of the emotions he articulates and criticisms he makes of society’s expectations for parents and children were relatable to me even though my experiences in life have been much different than Mr. Countryman’s. While reading Mr. Countryman’s letters, I most appreciated his honesty and the way he challenged himself to allow himself to be raw and vulnerable to his readers, whoever they were/are.
While the sexual associations of AIDS are more focused upon, I do feel that there are definitely associations attached to AIDS gained from sharing needles/drug use. In a way that is faintly reminiscent of practicing unsafe sex, AIDS spread through sharing needles is often aligned with irresponsibility, since most people would believe that not reusing contaminated needles is simply common sense. It can also be associated with weakness or helplessness because AIDS spread through drug use can indicate drug addiction or dependency. However, society favors viewing AIDS in the context of the gay community because it is easier to pin the blame/fixate on a group of people that were already considered deviant and questionable than it was to realize that anyone, regardless of sexuality, could still contract the disease. In other words, it was easier to pick a scapegoat than it was to admit one's own vulnerability. In the end though, no matter how the disease was spread, AIDS still created much difficulty, both physically and mentally, for its victims, and I think experiencing these difficulties played a huge role in shaping Mr. Countryman's perspective. I was fascinated by the rollercoaster of emotions he expressed throughout his letters: in some he would go on about how terrified he was of dying, showing weakness or opening up to people, while in others he would be euphorically enjoying life while riding his bike around town and strongly stating his opinions about fighting for equal healthcare for minorities and the lower class. While I can't speak for all AIDS patients, I do believe that Mr. Countryman's letters are an authentic portrayal of what AIDS sufferers experience: plenty of isolation, terror and weakness, but also a clearer perspective of human suffering, which creates more empathy and a greater ability to draw joy from the small things that life has to offer. His letters weren't trying to prove anything about the disease, rather they presented an honest depiction of his own experiences with AIDS, which in itself ironically enough, I think ends up proving a lot.
ReplyDeleteI feel like a lot of people who get AIDS through needles are considered irresponsible or seen as though they deserve it for doing these drugs in the first place. Either way, just like people were treated awful for getting it through unsafe sex, I think there are still really negative connotations attached to the people who get AIDS through needles. I feel like back in the 80s the associations were a lot were for someone who got it through unsafe sex, since being gay was seen as a sin at the time. In terms of how he saw himself, I think Mr. Countryman's view on himself changed throughout his letters. Sometimes he was extremely scared and sad, but happy in other situations. His emotions sort of went up and down. I think that being a fighter probably helped him through a good amount of dealing with AIDS, but no one really has to strength to fight what he was fighting. When looking at how the letters relate to other things we have looked at, The Plague comes to mind. A lot of people during that time couldn't get treatment unless they were high up in society, and Mr. Countryman describes how many poor people were not able to get the help they needed. My view on AIDS has certainly become a lot more personal in a way. After looking at someone's personal experience of going through AIDS, I get to see exactly what it is like to deal with it. Also having it be someone that is related to a person that I've seen a lot throughout my time at Poly also has an impact.
ReplyDeleteThere are definitely associations of AIDS in regard to drug abuse, and most times those associations are negative, even though, according to one of the doctors mentioned in Mr. Countryman’s letter, “[his] being positive is a matter of bad luck” (17) and not of bad conduct. I think that society has begun to accept the fact that AIDS is a sexually transmitted disease, but still looks down upon the disease as a drug-abuse borne disease. Mr. Countryman seems to have “maybe [a] fear of love, love of self as well as love or and from others, that keeps you hooked into the most subtle kinds of self-hatred” (17) after contracting this disease, because society and its associations with AIDS have told him that he should take the blame for getting the disease.
ReplyDeleteIn the letters, he contrasts fearlessness with the cowardice and guilt that he has after contracting AIDS, quoting Leaving Losapas: “They were both forever trying to prove to themselves how fearless they were– the true sign of a man who believed, deep down, that he could not be forgiven.” (20) This sentence seems to encompass much of the internal conflict that Mr. Countryman has as he attempts to reconcile what society tells him and what doctors tell him. To guide society away from thinking that to ask for help is weakness, we must redefine the definition of manliness as well. Men are stereotypically strong, courageous, and authoritative, and these associations are what perpetuate the idea that asking for anything is weakness.
I appreciated the freedom of verse and the openness with which Mr. Countryman writes about his illness. He depicts moving events in his letters that allow us insight into the lives of AIDS sufferers during the 1990s. I’ve come to see AIDS sufferers as less infected people (better you not me mindset) and more as deeply feeling victims of bad luck.
In my experience, people tend to view the contraction of AIDS from sexual encounter(s) much more negatively than they view the contraction of AIDS from sharing needles or blood transfusions. Although sharing needles is clearly viewed as incredibly foolish in our society, we also typically have some sort of empathy – or pity – for people who do drugs. Often, though, for people with AIDS, society has historically had very little problem assigning blame to them and perceiving the disease as the result of a “lifestyle choice”. Drug addiction is different in that it can happen to anyone. Because of this and because of the fact that some straight cisgender people view different sexualities as a “lifestyle choice,” our associations towards each varying method of contracting AIDS differ.
ReplyDeleteYet for a person with AIDS who isn’t part of the gay community, it seems like they come to internalize associations from beyond their personal experience with the disease. In one of the letters, Mr. Countryman has become so entrenched in AIDS associations that he assigns blame for his current situation entirely on himself, when in reality, he was also simply the victim of horrendous luck. No matter how a patient contracted AIDS, it seems as if notions of irresponsibility dog the person’s footsteps for the duration of their disease.
The contraction of AIDS from sexual encounters, versus through drug abuse or the use of contaminated needles (which may not necessarily be the 'fault' of the patient), holds very different connotations and associations for each. Largely I think it depends on the person, as I've seen people who condemn AIDS transmitted as a result of unsafe sex, but treat those with AIDS contracted from shared needles with relative normalcy. I've also seen people who do the exact opposite as well. AIDS is at a murky point in its standing amongst American society, because there's some parts of the nation that have been able to receive a greater understanding and education about the disease and those it afflicts compared to other parts of the states.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of society viewing asking for help as weak, this is a seriously complicated issue that doesn't just tie into a single mentality or idea, but rather the combination of various ideas and cultural aspects (machismo in Hispanic cultures, and the need to appear to be the image of success in both America and Asian countries). Changing all of this is a monumental task that can really only be solved with the passage of time, as communities and ideas start to integrate more in American society.
I think race and economic standing play a large role in treating disease. Disease is a thing that is able to transcend all castes and creeds, infecting or harming anyone or anything that crosses its path. However, when it comes to actually treating the disease, preference is shown towards those who are wealthy, but also of a race that does not have a stigma associated with. While not a race, being gay in the 1980's and also suffering from HIV/AIDS was basically a death sentence. Not only was treatment hard (because there was not really a treatment), but also one had to deal with the social aspects of the disease. We had a president in power who would not say AIDS on TV.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how these letters are so personal and so introspective. The level of detail that Mr. Countryman uses is so moving and really speaks well to the stress and meditation that he was going through. I really felt these letters were honest and I think that made Mr. Countryman's realizations that much more meaningful.
I deeply appreciated these letters, the reflections, and eloquence Mr. Countryman displayed in his letters changed my perspective on drug addiction, HIV/AIDS, and those who have it.
ReplyDeleteI belive the main reason that the AIDS epidemic did not get the attention it needs during the first outbreaks was because of the religious undertones in America and how AIDS disproportionally affected those who were homosexual and/or sexually active. America did not want to take care of the homosexuals who America believed were sinful. Many people believe it was a proper punishment from God, however, when the disease started to spread to the heterosexuals more, it was as if the desire had affected America and people started to pay more attention to it. It might as well been the gay community in America were a foreign country.